navigating the holidays, toxic positivity

Updated: December 2025

Why the Holidays Can Feel So Hard

The holiday season can be a time for celebration, gratitude, family, and community. However, it's not always easy to feel grateful and happy, especially if you're dealing with grief, loss and the state of our world.

Toxic positivity, the idea that we should always look on the bright side and avoid negative emotions, can make the holiday season and family gatherings even more challenging for many of us. If you are dealing with stress, anxiety, fighting your own personal demons, or just feeling the weight of the world right now, I want to invite you to approach this holiday season with empathy and compassion, for yourself and in support of loved ones you know who are really struggling right now.

In this article, we'll discuss some practical ways to avoid toxic positivity, and embrace authenticity as you navigate the holidays, so you can honor your experience and still enjoy the holiday season.

What is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is when you only allow yourself to focus on or share positive, high-vibe emotions like joy, gratitude, and happiness, at the expense of your other feelings like fear, anger, or hopelessness.

It looks like hiding your own feelings, or disregarding the emotions of others with an unrealistic expectation that you will always be able to find something to be grateful for.

The truth is, being human is hard, and some days are filled with grief, sorrow, or unrelenting anxiety. It's important to remember that feelings are like waves, they come and they go, always shifting and changing. If you don't allow yourself to feel all your feelings, the good and the bad, you risk burying your unwelcome emotions, only for them to resurface with a vengeance later in life.

How Can I Support Family and Friends Who Are Struggling This Holiday Season?

If you are personally feeling super grateful this year and wondering how to connect with loved ones who are struggling, let's talk about it.

Instead of expecting everyone else to be able to access feelings of gratitude, show up with curiosity. So, instead of asking 'What are you grateful for?' you can ask 'Are you feeling grateful for anything right now?'

This subtle shift in language honors the unique experience your loved one is having and doesn't make the assumption that they should be grateful. Sometimes life is hard. Making a gentle inquiry about how someone is doing is a great way to support someone who is struggling right now.

How to Avoid Toxic Positivity During the Holidays

One practical way to avoid toxic positivity during the holidays is by practicing active listening. Instead of rushing to fix someone's problems, or make them feel something else (like happy instead of sad), practice listening without judgment or interrupting.

Acknowledge their feelings, and show empathy by saying things like "that sounds hard" or "I'm sorry you're going through that, I'm here for you."

Avoid offering unsolicited advice or minimizing their struggles by saying things like:

"At least you have a job (house, friends, etc.)"
"Why don't you focus on what you're grateful for?"

Remember that everyone's experiences are valid, and it's okay to feel different emotions at the same time.

How Do I Stay Present During Stressful Holiday Gatherings?

This holiday season, see if you can shift your mindset from "trying to be grateful" to "being present" with what is.

If you are overwhelmed with grief, sadness, anger, or feeling triggered being around your family, take some space. Sometimes taking a quick walk around the block, an extra-long trip to the bathroom, or simply excusing yourself to be alone for a few minutes is enough to help you re-regulate your nervous system and stay grounded.

Here are some in-the-moment practices to help you stay centered when things feel overwhelming:

Take a Strategic Mini Break You don't need to announce that you're overwhelmed. Simply excuse yourself to use the bathroom, offer to grab something from the car, or step outside to "get some air." Even two to three minutes alone can help you reset before returning to the group.
Ground Through Your Senses When you feel yourself getting activated, bring your attention to the present moment through your five senses. Notice what you can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. This simple practice interrupts the stress response and anchors you back in your body.
Use Discreet Breathing Techniques No one needs to know you're regulating your nervous system. Try extending your exhale (breathe in for 4 counts, out for 6 or 8), or simply slow your breathing down. Longer exhales activate your parasympathetic nervous system and help calm the body's stress response.
Find Your Anchor Before the gathering, choose a small object you can keep in your pocket, like a smooth stone, a piece of jewelry, or even a hair tie on your wrist. When you feel triggered, touch it as a physical reminder to come back to yourself.
Practice the "Feet on the Floor" Technique If you're sitting at the dinner table and feeling overwhelmed, press your feet firmly into the ground. Feel the weight of your body in the chair. This grounding practice is completely invisible to others but can help you feel more stable and present.
Name What You're Feeling (Silently) Sometimes simply acknowledging "I'm feeling anxious right now" or "This is bringing up old grief" can help take the edge off. Naming our emotions helps the brain process them more effectively and reduces their intensity.
Give Yourself Permission to Leave Early Remember, you can always leave. Knowing you have an exit strategy can actually help you feel calmer and more present while you're there. You are allowed to take care of yourself.

Self-Care Practices for the Holiday Season

Don't forget to practice extra self-care during the holidays! Self-care looks different for everyone, so try some of the practices on this list and see what works for you. The invitation is to take extra time to keep your nervous system regulated, prioritize rest, and slow down when things start to feel chaotic.

Beyond the in-the-moment tools above, here are some daily practices to help you stay regulated throughout the holiday season:

Start Your Day with Intentional Breathing Before the chaos begins, give yourself a few minutes to settle. Try box breathing (inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4) or simply take three slow, deep belly breaths. Beginning your day this way builds nervous system resilience for whatever comes next.
Use Self-Soothing Touch Our bodies respond to gentle, nurturing touch, even when it comes from ourselves. Place a hand on your chest, gently hold your own face, or give yourself a hug. These gestures activate the parasympathetic nervous system and can help you feel more grounded when emotions run high.
Create Space for Stillness Whether it's a morning meditation, a relaxing bath, stream of consciousness journaling, or simply sitting quietly with a cup of tea, give yourself permission to slow down. Stillness isn't doing nothing. It's allowing your system to integrate and restore.
Move Your Body Gentle movement helps release tension and shift stuck energy. This could look like stretching, a slow yoga flow, dancing in your kitchen, or shaking out your hands and arms. Movement doesn't have to be intense to be healing.
Prioritize Rest Sleep is foundational to emotional resilience. Give yourself permission to go to bed earlier, take a nap, or simply rest without scrolling. Your nervous system will thank you.

And a gentle reminder that it's okay to set boundaries and say no to things that don't feel good for you. You do not have to go to every party you're invited to, host an event, or honor traditions that you have outgrown or no longer value. This holiday season can be a time to get to know yourself on a deeper level and lean into self-care and self-development.

6 Ways to Navigate the Holidays Without Toxic Positivity

Sending you ease and gentleness as you navigate this holiday season. Here's an overview of practices you can use:

Practice Self-Compassion: The holiday season can be especially difficult for those who have experienced loss or are going through a tough time. It's important to remember to show yourself, and loved ones, kindness and compassion during this time. Acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to experience them without judgement.
Be Authentic: Instead of trying to always appear happy and grateful, allow yourself to be authentic. Be honest with yourself and others about how you're feeling. This can help alleviate the pressure to constantly put on a happy facade.
Connect with Others: The holiday season is often focused on spending time with loved ones, but it's important to also connect with people who understand and support you. Reach out to friends or find a great therapist who can support you.
Set Boundaries: It's okay to say no to events or gatherings that may be overwhelming or triggering for you. Set boundaries and prioritize your mental health during this time.
Practice Mindfulness: When feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to pause and take care of yourself. Stress and overwhelm will increase unless we interrupt it and practice self-care in the present moment. Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded and connected to your body.
Allow All Your Emotions: Remember that it's okay to feel a range of emotions, including the not-so-pleasant ones. Avoid toxic positivity by not dismissing or minimizing your feelings or the feelings of others. Practice allowing yourself to notice, name, and experience your emotions without judgment.

When to Consider Therapy for Holiday Stress

Navigating the holidays with empathy and compassion, for yourself and others, is an invitation to be present, listen with curiosity, and practice self-care.

The holidays can bring to the surface old wounds, outdated childhood programming, and an awareness of our growing edges. A gentle reminder that we don't heal alone, but heal in connection and relationship. Therapy offers a safe space to process lingering wounds, improve communication, and support you on your healing journey.

If you're looking for a therapist, I’d love to support you!

Me and my team provide integrative psychotherapy that honors the mind, body, and spirit connection.

We see therapy clients in-person from our offices in El Dorado Hills, San Francisco, San Anselmo, Berkeley, and San Clemente, CA, and also offer holistic therapy online to anyone in California.

Book a no-cost consultation call below to learn more!

Book a no-cost consultation call

Wishing you a peaceful holiday season filled with self-care, connection, and authenticity.