Hey Beauties. This month I’m talking about the process and practice of radical acceptance. This practice is really inviting you to love yourself exactly as you are in this moment. Nothing to fix. Nothing to do. Just arrive, bear witness, breathe deep and keep living.
I hope you enjoy the video. I’d love to know your thoughts on this topic. Drop a comment below and let me know!
Hey guys, it’s Kim Burris.
So, I want to talk about this idea of radical acceptance, the practice of radical acceptance and what it actually means, and also what it actually looks like in practice.
Because I think a lot of us hope for, or are under this impression that it’s this practice of loving what arises as in yay, come closer…this is so fun and everything feels wonderful in life.
So, this intersects with spiritual bypassing, which is when we put glitter and rainbows over all that is happening and seek out only what looks and feels good.
This is that ‘good vibes only’ camp.
I want to encourage you to be curious about the good vibes, yeah… and also, what do you do with the bad vibes?? or the negative vibes… the things that are hard and challenging that don’t feel particularly good.
If we’re only looking at what’s good, the things that are feeling hard and bad and challenging get swept under the rug, but they don’t dissolve.
So this practice of radical acceptance is actually the practice of moving towards and turning towards what feels challenging and what feels hard.
A lot of the work I do, I work as a holistic therapist, is actually the practice of bringing forth those things that have been discarded that somebody, somewhere along the way, some experience somehow taught you or offered you this experience that you weren’t good enough, that what you are experiencing was not okay, and you needed to put it away to be close and connected, to be lovable.
And so as we grow up and have more access and capacity for our own healing and integration and showing up as the best version of ourself…
We get to come back and collect those pieces of ourselves that have been abandoned. And this is the practice of radical acceptance and it’s a practice and a process.
It’s not something that ends. we don’t arrive at ‘I’m great. I feel good. I’m awesome.’ And then it stays there. So there’s a yes and no there. Once we practice enough we known enough…. It’s like learning to drive a car or ride a bike. We remember when we fall off the bike how to get back on and keep going. That’s the practice of radical acceptance.
We want to turn towards ourself with love and care, compassion and curiosity.
Not turn away. Not discard. Not say ‘ugh’ in disgust to these parts of ourselves, feelings, thoughts. It also doesn’t mean we say ‘yeah, come and stay forever.’ There’s a middle space here where we say ‘my darling, this part is hurting.’ or There’s a sadness here in my heart today. There’s a pain here. There’s a grief here, a loss, a longing here.
Something beautiful happens when we turn towards these abandoned parts, these unacceptable parts with curiosity.
Start with curiosity.
Not ‘I’ll just love them! I’ll just love those parts.’ That’s the mind saying ‘oh if I love them they’ll go away! If you think that, sure we all think that.
Notice when you think that, What else is there? Be curious about what else is there. What is happening in the heart?
The heart knows how to love all of you.
The heart knows how to love all things.
So when the feelings come, and the thoughts come, and your brain recognizes them as intruders, something that’s not welcome… The practice here is to slow down, turn inward. Invite more spaciousness, invite curiosity, love and compassion for those parts of you.
And when those parts feel loved, something starts to shift. They stop throwing tantrums and they stop beating against the closet door trying to break free and be seen.
So my favorite analogy for thinking of… ‘what do I do with these parts of myself?‘ I want you to just think, when these parts arise, have this image…
or maybe you already have an image coming, great, run with that… but the image I always think about is:
You’re going about your day… in your house, your apartment, your life,
whatever you’re going through and your doorbell rings, and you think, ‘who’s that?’ So you run over to your door, and you open the door, and it’s your best friend. And they’re sobbing, and they just fall into your arms.
And you just hold them, and they’re crying. And your brain is saying ‘oh my gosh, what happened? I didn’t know anything was wrong.’
You want to ask them a million questions You want to comfort them. You want to find a way to fix it. Help them. Let them know it’s going to be okay, but you… most likely…you wait. You get to that, later. But the first thing you do is just hold them, and you let that best friend cry. And you let them show up with whatever feelings they have. Until they’re done, and then there’s usually a place of ‘Oh my goodness, my love. What happened? Are you okay? How can I help? Tell me all about it.’
And you help them navigate and find the way through the messy part
to the jewel. And sometimes the jewel is just feeling the feeling and then when it passes, something else arises. There’s more space.
So those are my thoughts today, my offering to you, food for thought on
what this process and practice of radical acceptance really means and what it looks like, and how you can practice it for yourself.
I would love to know how this has landed for you, what process and practice you’re working on today. How life is feeling for you.
If you have any questions, feel free to shoot me a message (or leave a comment below).
If you want more information about the practice of Holistic Psychotherapy and the process of integration, you can check out my website, kimburris.com.
I look forward to speaking with you guys again soon.
Take care. Bye!
If you’re looking for support on this journey of being human, I got you! Holistic psychotherapy is the practice and process of mental, emotional, and spiritual integration. Reach out to find out how my practice can support you on your journey 🌟
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Kim is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who specializes in supporting individuals struggling with anxiety and depression and motherhood. She also supports people experiencing spiritual emergencies and spiritual integration work. As a yogini and a psychotherapist, she believes that being human is a practice and that healing and change is always possible. Kim currently offers holistic counseling to individuals residing in California. Call/text to set up at appointment: 916.467.9539.